The one where I ramble

Yesterday I went buck wild cleaning my house. I do that after being sick to get the germs out. Plus, my energy gets all pent up from not doing anything for four days. So, I cleaned every single surface I could find. Even after D came home, and we had dinner, I was still rushing around cleaning. It looks like we just moved in, which is the way I like it… Everything is super clean.

All I could think about when I was scrubbing the shower floor was Cinderella. Because some days? That’s what being a stay at home mom feels like.

Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW how lucky I am to have the opportunity to stay home with my kiddo. I have friends who work full time, their spouses work full time, and their kiddos are in daycare every day. Things go by the wayside, between working full time, squeezing in cooking and picking up, bedtime routines that can sometimes take an hour, and trying to find that alone time with their hunnies. I don’t know how they do it, I really don’t.

On the other hand, I feel like there is an unspoken expectation of the SAHM. Our houses should be spotless, dinners should be elegant, baking for the kiddo’s classes is a must. We are expected to volunteer in our kid’s classrooms a certain number of hours a week. To spend hours upon hours making costumes and school projects. All with a smile on our faces because we choose to stay at home, because we are lucky enough to get to do that.

My husband is a fabulous man, and doesn’t expect a thing from me. As a matter of fact, there are nights he comes home and does the cooking after an eight hour day at work because Oz has been WAY too hyper all day. He doesn’t care that the house is messy, or spotless, either way is fine with him. And our idea of quality alone time is watching our nightly TV programs and drinking our tea. As long as he has clean clothes to wear to work the next day? He could care less what I do all day. He just wants everyone to be healthy and happy.

I got lucky, I found my Prince Charming. There are still days when I feel like all I do is scrub, and clean, and wash. Days when I feel like Cinderella… But then I remember that it could be much, much worse. I could be married to a man that’s stuck in the 50′s.

Responsibility

I posted something on my Facebook earlier today that I would sort of like to expand on here today. In that post, I called upon the people of the world to stop blaming other people for their mistakes. To fix the shit in their own lives that need to be fixed, and let to the things that are out of their control. To stop waiting for someone else to come and fix it for them, and to be an adult and take responsibility for their own lives.

Something happened today. I had a conversation that is really none of my business to post here, but a part of the conversation (the part that was directly involving me) needs to be addressed. I am being blamed for a person’s inability to be an adult. I believe that the actual blame being thrown my way has something to do with my marriage (which is not perfect, but is doing very well thank you very much) which is absolutely none of this person’s business.

And since I don’t want to make things worse than they already are, I am going to be very vague for the rest of this post (just in case you hadn’t figured that out already), but I believe the message is something that everyone should think about.

It is so easy to point the finger at other people when things aren’t going the way you think they should. It is very, very easy to say you’re not responsible. That your own mistakes, downfalls, and habits aren’t what’s causing people to pull away. I have something to say to that:

Look in the fucking mirror.

When you want to take a shortcut to get that body that you think will make people like you? Look in the mirror. Take responsibility for your poor eating habits, and change them. Get off your lazy ass and do some exercise. No one else made you look like that, you did. And being thinner? Isn’t going to make people like you.

When you say things like “fuck off” to the people you love? Look in the mirror and take responsibility for being angry at yourself. It’s okay to be angry, it’s not okay to talk down to the people you claim to love. All that anger that you’re holding inside because people don’t want to be around you? Figure out a constructive way to let it out. Also? Think about WHY people don’t want to be around you and make a change.

When you point the finger at other people for your relationship falling apart? Take a look in the mirror, take responsibility for the mistakes you’ve made that brought said relationship to this point. Make a change, or don’t. But don’t blame everyone else for the shit YOU caused. Be an adult and say “I fucked up. I’m sorry.” And don’t expect someone else to fix it for you.

In the end, it’s about growing as a person. I’m not talking about being the person you think everyone else wants you to be. I mean making changes to BE a better person. You’re miserable? Make a change. You don’t like the way you look? Do something about it. You want people to like you and want to spend time with you? Stop being miserable. Misery may like company, but no one likes to be brought down.

Be an adult. Be responsible for your own life.

And now? I feel better.

Life Is Funny

I went to see my naturopath yesterday. I was kind of dreading it since, you know, I’ve been struggling with my eating habits as of late. I just didn’t want to get on the scale. I have this goal in my head that I would like too see myself at or under 200 lbs by the time the pig roast comes around (hi, like 7 weeks-ish). And I didn’t want to see that I still had 30 lbs to go. There is no way to lose 30 lbs safely in 7 weeks. So, I just didn’t wanna go.

But I did, because I needed to get other things looked at. And after admitting that I wasn’t doing so well with the whole eating thing, it was time. I closed my eyes, and when she asked what I was at before (and I told her) she said “Wow, you must feel great.” I had to open my eyes. Numbers don’t lie people, they just don’t.

I HAVE been feeling better. MUCH better. I have barely been sick all year, I have more energy to keep up with my kiddo, I sleep better (when killer bees aren’t attacking my bed). And people have made comment after comment about how much better I look. Shit, even my hair is thicker and my nails have been stronger. So, when I looked at the scale, I figured I had lost SOME weight.

Guys, I have lost over 20 lbs since January. I only have 16 more lbs to go until I hit my first goal weight!!! I almost cried. She said that I was obviously doing something right, and to stop being so hard on myself about the things that I choose to eat sometimes. With all the running I’ve been doing, she said I am bound to crave some flour or sugar for a quick fuel up. And the choices I have been making (fruits mostly) are perfect, and much better than the choices I would have previously made.

Sometimes it is super hard to lose sight of how well we are doing when we choose to make major lifestyle changes. Everything is different around my house, we don’t eat out every night. And if we chose to eat out, we try to find something “healthy” or at least something that doesn’t make us want apps and dessert too. We both are working out pretty hard, clothes are getting bigger. And we are spending less time in front of the TV and more time out and about doing stuff.

I have to remember that while numbers don’t lie, it’s not always good to obsess about them. It is good to see the progress, and I need to start taking the compliments and turning them into positive self thoughts.

Here’s to my health!!

Struggling

I just wrote about how things are good overall in my life. And that was the truth. Things are good and solid around here, which has left me with nothing more to look at than the little things. Well, little being a realitive term. The way I see it, if my marriage is good and my kiddo is happy and healthy, those are the major things… right?

So that leaves this pesky thing of my “lifestyle” choices… yanno, my diet and exercise routine. I started a new training program. That part is going really well. I was a week late getting going, but I started. And that was the first step. I stopped using the Ease into 5K program because I was dominating it. Like seriously flying through it all. So I just didn’t feel challenged.

Starting something new was a little scary. It’s got things I had never heard of… strides? Hill strides? Wtf is that?!?! So I read, and I thought, and I read some more… and then I got out my calendar and wrote out each day, all the while thinking “you want me to cross train? What?!” And “wait, I’m going to be running four days a week and you want me to run for HOW long?!” Yeah, it was a little scary. But we are four days in, and other than painful Pilates on Monday… I feel pretty good. We will see how I feel in a week or two.

So that’s not the problem.

Nope, it’s food. Once again, it all comes back to food. My relationship with food is stupid. Well, it’s great cuz I love food. A lot. But there are times when it’s SUPER hard to stick to the whole no sugar/no flour thing. And once I start eating (or more in my case, drinking) it… it is SO hard to stop. Then I buy it (like the brownies the other night that I have eaten most of), and then I just EAT it.

I harp on people I love all the time about eating better, and taking better care of themselves when… behind closed doors… I am shoving my face full of brownies and white chocolate mochas. Uh huh, I am THAT girl.

I know that by putting this out there, it is going to help me be more aware of what I am putting in my mouth. I can do this, I can make this lifestyle change… and I can do it for the long haul. I have to if I want to avoid health issues in the future, and if I want to set a good example for my kiddo.

Today is going to be hard… I have to go make cupcakes for SIL so she can decide which ones she wants for her wedding. Send non-sugar eating vibes my way.

It’s May

I seriously cannot believe it’s May already. So much has happened this year already that I am so not ready for it to be over.

Last month’s photo challenge was fun. It got me back in the habit of posting daily. And while that may not last too long, it reminded me how much I love blogging. Even if it’s just a picture of what’s going on around me.

We have been very busy bees since the weather has gotten nicer. D and I have a lot more energy since we both started working out and eating better. It’s been really great spending time with Oz and taking him to cool places like Seattle and Friday Harbor. We’ve been spending a lot of time with SIL planning her wedding. It’s been very exciting.

I started myself on a new training routine this week. It’s to help get me ready for my 5K in September, but if I stick to it, I will be ready long before then. Like right around wedding time, which is a good time for races around here. There are a lot of them around that time, so hopefully I will be racing a lot more this summer and can end the season on a high note.

Oz is doing really well. He has gone to speech therapy every 6 weeks, with no objections from his Speech Therapist. He is talking SO much more now, and picking up on every word… even the ones I think he isn’t listening to. Oops.

All in all things are going really well. There have been a few bumps in the road this year, and some have been major hurdles. But we’re working through, and will cross the finish line smiling and stronger. Geez, why does everything have to be about running?! Better that than something unhealthy I suppose.

Something That Makes Me Sad

The fact that this is my weakness. It’s a habit I just cannot kick, no matter how hard I try. Put anything on pizza and I will eat it… the more toppings the better. It’s been so hard to keep this out of my eating habits, I just cannot do it.

Circle

My sister in law trains horses. This is her riding one said horse around in circles in her arena. I love watching her ride. It makes her happy.